Charm comes from a combination of self-confidence, social graces and empathy.
Ever wondered how con artists can get away with all they do? They know how to charm people, and they have mastered the art of looking as if they belong. Because they have no feelings of guilt about misrepresenting themselves, they can pull it off. But you don’t have to be dishonest and manipulative to be charming. You can use the power of charm to create a charmed life for yourself, and be perfectly honest, kind and caring while doing it.
Charm comes from a combination of self-confidence, social graces and empathy, or emotional intelligence. People who are at ease (self-confidence), polite and socially adept, as well as (social graces) understanding and considerate (emotional intelligence) are always charming and attractive.
To get what you want, you need to feel special and act that way. The more you respect yourself, the more others will respect you. Make sure you present yourself well, dress and act the part. Accept favors and compliments gracefully, with thanks. Don’t worry about whether you deserve the compliment—if someone says something nice, and you think you don’t deserve it; If you worry about it or make a fuss, you’re effectively calling that person a liar, which is not charming at all. If you make requests as if you expect to get a “yes,” it ups the odds that you’ll get one.
1. Be Interesting: Wear attractive, but interesting, clothing — something that reflects who you are. If you like travel, for example, wear a shirt, scarf, tie or jewelry from another country, or wear something that reflects your ethnic background, or a hobby. It will help start conversations.
2. Pay Attention: Look around you, and seek to make friends. Notice who’s around you and what’s interesting or attractive about them. Find an interesting thing about what they’re wearing, and compliment it. “Excuse me, but I couldn’t help noticing that gorgeous color— it looks great on you.” or, “What an interesting watch! Where did you get it?”
3. Prepare In Advance: Read up on some fascinating topics to talk about: the background doings of a hit movie, some new technology advance, or a cool new trend. Then, when someone wants to talk to you, you’ll have something to say.
4. Find A Way To Help: What needs doing that you might enjoy? If you haven’t experienced this event before, I recommend finding a “job” to do. Don’t just say “what can I do to help?” Instead, volunteer for something specific: to greet people and take coats, or keep the food table replenished, or refill drinks. It will give you a feeling of belonging, a great excuse to meet everyone, and you’ll be busy enough to keep your nervousness at bay. The host or hostess will be grateful and remember you later.
5. Follow Through: If you do meet someone you’d like to know better, follow the party with an invitation for coffee. The best friendships begin in these social situations.
Once you are meeting people, you need to create the proper energy level to be charming and attractive. Match your energy to the energy of the people at the event. Obviously, if you’re dancing or eating barbecue poolside, the energy level will be pretty high. If you’re having quiet conversations at a cocktail party, discussing books, or sitting down to dinner, the energy will be more mellow and focused.
If you force the other person to do all the conversational “work” he or she will move on pretty quickly. One-syllable answers are a pretty clear indication of lack of interest, even if you didn’t mean it to be that way. Instead, turn on your charm, and the other person will want more time with you.